Life doesn’t always go the way we think it should.

I didn’t know him well.  We had a few classes together and would say “hey” in  the hall at school.  But somehow, hearing of his passing this last week hit me harder than I thought it would.  25 years old.  Great musician.  And a heart of gold.  That’s what I remember most, he was one of the funny ones in class and he had a heart for people and making them smile.  At least that’s what it seemed like from a shy girl who preferred observing and listening to actually talking to people in high school.

Reading the posts on his facebook page just confirms how much love this guy had and showed people.  His life is rather inspiring to me.

I want to raise my son to live like this.  To live with such passion and truth, to show love and to laugh and be silly.  God made each of us in our own unique way, and it’s my hope and prayer that my son embraces who he is with confidence and compassion.  Heck, I want to live like that.  Everyday is a fresh start, a new beginning.  I’m learning to live in love, and not let the little things get to me.  There’s just so much wasted time living in the pains of life, we are never guaranteed tomorrow, forgiveness is for you.  Let go and live passionately.

Reflecting

For some reason today I’ve been thinking about how much has changed in the last five months. It’s pretty incredible. I honestly don’t think my life could be any more different than it is now. I no longer work a full time job, and it’s been so fun taking care of my little one and my husband. I’ve learned so much about both of them during this time.

We lived together after we first got engaged, had a pretty nice town home/apartment, good jobs and things were peachy. Then things weren’t going as planned and we decided to move back into my moms house. I didn’t think there was much more to learn about my husband until we moved again, this time into our own apartment with a newborn. I was emotional, like extremely emotional. I cried about everything. I didn’t want to move, but I knew in my heart that moving was the best thing we could do for our growing family. It took about a week after moving in for me to feel comfortable and “at home”. Now I wouldn’t have it any other way! I’ll miss this little apartment when we do finally get our own house.

I’ve been really trying to get our diet under control since we moved too. Now that I stay home with our little one, a healthy diet is more important than ever for both my husband and myself.

It’s been a week since I started this and changed what I’m eating. I’ve also been drinking a minimum of 70oz of water each day. I’ve got to say, it hasn’t been as difficult as I thought it would be. I’ve almost completely eliminated dairy, and red meat, switched simple carbs for complex ones, and I haven’t had any pop or carbonated drink since the new year. Have I had cravings? Absolutely. Especially for something sweet. What I’m excited about though is I’ve lost 8 inches total in one week! And my mood has been so much better. My skin is starting to look better, and feels more hydrated, and my jeans are starting to fit better 🙂 I’m so excited about what one week has shown!

I can’t remember the last time

I had a physical done.

It had to have been in either elementary school or junior high.  Which is at least 10 years ago.  It was on my heart when I was thinking about dieting to get a physical done and stick to diet and exercise then go back to the doctors office in a year and see what improvements have been made.  Now my gut says that I’ll be there again before a year just to monitor my physical health.  It’s scheduled for tomorrow morning.  I’m nervous, but I’m also confident that this is the LAST time the numbers are going to look this way.  Inches will go down, pounds will be lost, and everything about my life will become healthier.

I keep thinking about the future outcome.  In five years, my son will be going to kindergarten and I want to make sure that I’m healthier than ever.  He and my husband fill my heart with so much love and I want to be around and able to do things with them as we grow as a family.

Day One:

I’m one of those people who like to dive right into change immediately, when I’m excited about it.  This diet/lifestyle change is definitely one of those things.  I’m honestly holding back excitement because I don’t want to jinx this haha… Luckily we pretty much ran out of everything in our fridge, freezer and cabinets so there really isn’t much temptation anymore.

A lot of people mentioned that completely changing a diet overnight is difficult and it’s more successful if change is made progressively.  That’s what I’m trying to do.  I went to the grocery store and bought some fresh produce along with some things for the hubby for breakfast this week.

So besides being really excited about the ultimate outcome of sticking to this diet plan, I’m also kind of nervous.  This is completely different than anything I’m used to and as much as I embrace change, or at least try to, this gives me the butterflies.  I’ve also taken measurements today, which I’ve written down in my personal journal, and maybe someday I’ll post them on here.  For now, they stay put.

My heart dropped a little when I saw everything written down.  I can’t believe I’ve let myself go this far without taking action.  I’m 24 years old.  I have a newborn.  And I’m married.  Being a stay at home mom, I was kind of naïve in thinking that I’d have all the time in the world.  I’d be the best homemaker, learning to cook, maintaining a clean home, I’d have time to read and write, as well as exercising and taking care of myself as well as my son.  BOY was I wrong about that.  The funny thing is, my plans never go as I imagine them to.  Sometimes things go way different, worse even, but somehow everything works out in the end.  It’s been almost four months since I left work, and I can finally say, I think I’m getting the hang of this.  Sadly, the exercising was put on hold.  That’s also going to change.

I want to play with my kids.  I want to run around at the park and not feel like my windpipe is closing in.  I want to wear shorts and be confident in them.  I want to just be confident in whatever I’m wearing.  I want my skin to be clear.  I want to age well and not have all the ailments that come with age.  I want to be able to run around with my grandkids one day.  I want to be healthy in every sense of the word.  Mentally.  Physically.  Emotionally.

No more waiting.  No more “I’ll do this tomorrow”.  Tomorrow never happens, and yesterday can’t be changed.  Today is all I have.

For anyone who decides to read this:

I have a hard time sticking to any specific diet.

I like chocolate and all the foods that are proven bad for our health.

Lately I’ve noticed a change in how I feel, not only how I feel about myself, but how I feel towards others.  I am a follower of Jesus, and I’m not ashamed of that, and I know that relationship and love are two of the more important pieces of following Him.  Even though I know how I should feel, I struggle with it on a daily basis.  Don’t get me wrong, I live a totally blessed life and I am so grateful for everything, honestly, my life (from outside looking in) couldn’t be much better.  It’s the internal conflict that I struggle with.  Maybe it’s because I just had a baby a couple months ago.  Or the fact that I had a severe case of depression in college.  Or that I’ve kind of just let myself go physically.  No matter.  Something needs to change.  And my diet is something I never spent much effort in changing.

This year has already been a year of change for me.  I completely changed my morning routine.  Or at least, intended to.  So far, about 10 of the first 17 days have gone as planned.  I wake up shortly after my husband goes to work, eat breakfast, and then I settle in to write and read and study.  For me, peace comes from a close relationship with God and spending time with him.  I don’t always succeed in this, but it’s a goal I have for 2015.  After about an hour, I start to get sleepy again, and tend to take a nap until my 3 month old son wakes up, which is only about another hour.  From that time on, I spend my time with my son, and my dog.  I’m thankful to be a stay at home mom, but as the day goes on, I lose energy and sometimes fight a nasty headache, but my job as a mom/wife don’t end when I get tired.  I cook dinner, then clean up after and then it’s time to get my little boy settled into his nightly routine so he can sleep well.  I truly wouldn’t have it any other way.  I absolutely love caring for my family.  Another goal being to live as the woman described in Proverbs 31 does.

Since having my son, I’ve learned that cooking is something I enjoy, that being a new mom would be way easier if it came with a manual, and that I have an equally important role as my husband.  This is where my whole foods diet decided to emerge.  It’s definitely something I’d been interested in before, but now, it’s like a craving that I can’t get rid of.  I absolutely need to eat healthier.  It’s something my husband and I both agree on.  And what could possibly be better for us than wholesome, nutrient rich foods.  No preservatives.  No added hormones.  I’ve spent hours online researching and watching videos, trying to learn about how to be successful in this new endeavor, and I’m pretty excited.  I’ve noticed some controversy about meats and dairy, and for the moment I can understand both sides equally.  My husband wants to take part in this as well, but he is a man, and absolutely loves meat.  I’ll have to do some more reading and figure out what will be best for me and my family.

So this is going to be like my online journal, to help me keep track of where I am and where I want to be.