I don’t get them very often. In fact, I don’t even remember the last time I had “one of those days”. You know, the kind where you just feel down and nothing seems to be going the way you want them to. Life just all of a sudden caught up with me and I had a little break down. Sometimes I just don’t want to be a grown up anymore. No bills. No cleaning. No laundry. I even started job searching. Mainly for a daycare center near me that would allow my son to come with. No such luck. I didn’t really look very hard, but the thought of some extra money sounded great. Luckily I have an absolutely wonderful husband who reassured me that the struggle I was dealing with was much smaller than I was making it out to be. But man, thank God that day is over with.
It’s not always easy to get out of funks like that though. When I was younger, those days were never ending. Constantly not feeling like I’m good enough or feeling like I was just missing out on life, but in reality I was not interested in taking much part in life. I was a wallflower who enjoyed watching others have a good time rather than actually have a good time myself. I don’t regret any of that. Honestly, it saved me from getting into lots of trouble haha. On the other hand though, I don’t have very many crazy stories to tell my kids about.
I’m glad those days are over too.
Now I’m learning that all the ugly things that happened growing up have made me a better me. I’ve learned that judging others just makes me feel small. Everyone has a past, some are darker than others, but in the end, people want to feel accepted and loved, not judged and condemned. Life is hard but it’s even harder when you feel alone. Opening up and trusting someone is never very easy, but it’s a giant step forward in healing and becoming comfortable in your own skin.
ashleymclifford 